Registered dietitian Amy Pleimling from Allina Health Weight Management stopped by KARE 11 Saturday to share her tips for success all year long.
A first kiss between two people is always a big deal. You may feel even more pressure to get it right if it’s your partner’s first kiss ever. Luckily, there are things you can do to make the situation less intimidating for both of you. By doing your best to put your partner at ease, approaching the kiss slowly, and treating your partner with respect after the kiss, you can help create a great first kiss experience for both of you.
EditBuilding up to a First Kiss
Recognize the importance of the moment for the other person. A first kiss is an important rite of passage on an individual level, and it’s often taken as a sign of commitment or as a signal that the relationship is moving forward. People who have never been kissed before may attach even more weight to the moment, so don’t pursue a kiss unless you’re really interested in the other person.
Decide when you’d like to try kissing your partner. You could try pulling the other person aside when you’re hanging out in a group setting, but it may be harder to gauge whether they want a kiss if they’re surrounded by friends. Most people, however, will expect a kiss while on a date, or at least they may view it as a possibility. Try taking your partner on a date, and going in for a kiss at the end.
Don’t wait too long before going in for a kiss. If you spend weeks or months flirting with your partner, they may lose interest and try to move on from you.
Show your partner you’re interested by flirting with them. Whenever you’re around the other person, smile at them and offer compliments. Try saying, “you look really nice today!” You can also show them you’re interested by asking their opinion or seeking advice, and putting away your phone and giving them your full attention.
Make sure your compliment is genuine. Find something honest and specific to tell the other person. Say, “that shirt brings out the beautiful color of your eyes,” or “I’m really impressed by the way that you are able to speak your mind.”
You can also show someone you’re interested by contacting them when you’re not hanging out. Try sending a note or message just to say hi, or tell them, “Hey! I just saw this cute picture that reminded me of you.”
Strike up a good conversation in order to connect on a deeper level. Start by asking the other person about themselves, and offering up information about yourself in turn. Try to move beyond basic small talk by asking interesting questions such as “What was a defining moment in your life?” or “What is your dream job?”
Be curious and interested in what the other person is saying. Asking follow-up questions shows your partner you’re listening, and helps you connect.
Be willing to share more personal and vulnerable things about yourself, when appropriate. It will help your partner feel more comfortable and learn more about you.
Use positive body language to show you’re paying attention. Making lots of eye contact and smiling at the other person can give them a clue that you’re interested. Mimicking their behavior in small ways, such as running your fingers through your hair after they’ve tucked their hair behind their ear, can also make your partner more drawn to you.
Take a minute to think about the other person’s body language, too. If they look like they’re not interested, then it’s probably not the right moment for the big kiss. Negative signals include things like your partner leaning away from you, crossing their arms in front of their chest, or not making much eye contact.
Touch your partner and gauge their response. Lightly tap your partner’s arm or lay your hand on theirs. If they smile, lean closer to you, or touch you back, this may indicate that they’re ready to keep moving forward with you. If you get a more negative response, back off a little bit and give your partner some space.
Keep your touch light and playful so that your potential kissing partner doesn’t get creeped out or feel like you’re pressuring them. Try quick touches in safe areas, such as the arm or knee.
EditGoing in for a Kiss
Ask for a kiss in a playful or flirty way. People differ on whether or not they would like to be asked before they’re kissed. Someone who has never been kissed may not be as familiar with hints you’re dropping, so it may be easier to just directly ask.
Try giving your partner a compliment, and then directly asking for a kiss. Let them know you appreciate what they’re doing or saying, or how they look in that moment. For example, say, “you look really beautiful right now. Is it okay if I kiss you?”
If you’re in the middle of a fun and flirty conversation, try leaning in and saying, “I’d really like to kiss you.” If your partner leans in too, give them a kiss.
Lean in slowly and kiss your partner on the lips. Put your hand on their face, neck, or arm, and move in for a light peck. If your partner is receptive, give them another small kiss, and then another. Try pulling away slightly to look your partner in the eyes and give them a small smile, to make sure that they look happy and comfortable.
When people are nervous, they tend to rush quickly into a kiss, which can be awkward. Try to keep things more relaxed by waiting until you and your partner lock eyes, and then lean forward slowly.
Close your eyes during the actual kiss. You don’t know if your partner will prefer eyes closed or open, so it’s better to close them to be on the safe side. Some people will be creeped out by open eyes.
Deepen the kiss only if your partner is comfortable and enthusiastic. If your partner is leaning forward, touching you, and their breathing is increasing, it’s likely that they want to keep kissing you. However, if they are pulling back, are not moving, or are very stiff and uncomfortable, break off the kiss. If you’re not sure, it’s better to assume that they’re not interested in continuing.
Try kissing or lightly sucking on your partner’s top lip or bottom lip. If they reciprocate, try moving your tongue very lightly across their lips.
Both you and your partner should be kissing each other with the same amount of pressure. If you knock your teeth into theirs, you’re probably pushing too hard and should keep things lighter. Likewise, don’t stab into their mouth with your tongue when they’re using little or no tongue.
Move your hands a couple of times during the kiss. Run your fingers through your partner’s hair, touch the back of their neck, trail your fingers down their arm, or hold their hand.
It’s usually better to keep kisses lighter the first time. If your partner has never been kissed before, they’re not used to tongue and may be more easily overwhelmed by how wet a French kiss can feel. Keep it soft, light, and dry at first.
Pull back slightly and give your partner a compliment. They may be feeling very nervous after their first kiss, so reassure them by telling them they look cute or that you really liked kissing them. You can also reassure them with a hug.
If the other person seems unsure about how they feel about the kiss, they probably need some space. Walk away, but leave on a positive note. You could try saying, “I had a really good time with you tonight. Is it okay if I call you tomorrow?”
EditFollowing up After the Kiss
Cut your partner some slack if the kiss wasn’t perfect. First kisses are often awkward even between people who have experience kissing, and if your partner is completely inexperienced, then the kiss is bound to be imperfect. Don’t go in with high expectations, and give your partner another chance if you didn’t feel fireworks the first time.
If you have an especially awkward moment, such as bumping heads or stepping on your partner’s foot, ask them if you can try the kiss again.
Give the other person some space right after the kiss. Some people, and particularly women, tend to feel a lot of mixed emotions about a first kiss experience, and your partner may need time to sort out how they feel about you and about the kiss. Let them have some time to process the experience.
Make sure your partner doesn’t think you’re running away or feeling disappointed while you give them space. Tell them you liked spending time with them, but you have to go. Ask if you can message them or follow up with them later so they know you’re still interested.
If your partner is clearly very enthusiastic about your kiss, and enjoying spending time with you, giving them space may not be necessary! Feel free to prolong your time together if you are both obviously enjoying each others’ company.
Follow up with your partner within a day or two. It’s hard to get your partner out of your mind after a first kiss, so your partner will probably be thinking about you. Hormones in the brain often give people feelings of affection and closeness after a kiss, so your partner will probably want to hear from you.
If you’re interested in meeting up with your partner again, or continuing to progress the relationship forward, let them know sooner rather than later. You could call or send them a message saying, “I really enjoyed kissing you. I hope we are able to hang out again soon! Are you free tomorrow?”
If the kiss fell completely flat for you and you aren’t willing to give the other person another chance, be completely open about it. Try to share something positive, while also being honest. You could try saying, “I’m glad I got to spend time with you the other day, but I’m not interested in anything more happening between us.” Don’t blame your partner, and don’t give them a false reason for wanting to end things, as this will only hurt them more.
The safest time to ask for a kiss is at the end of the night, since that’s what most people will be expecting. However, if you find yourself only part way through a date and you’re both having fun and feeling relaxed, go for it sooner! It could end up being a welcome surprise.
Brush your teeth before a potential kiss. Women in particular pay more attention to a potential partner’s teeth when they’re trying to decide if they want to kiss that person.
Talk positively about your partner’s lack of experience, as they are likely to feel self-conscious about never having been kissed before. If they bring up the fact that kissing is new to them, don’t imply that they’re doing something wrong, talk about how young you were when you had your first kiss, or make light of it.
EditSources and Citations
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1806 – Thomas Dibdin’s pantomime “Harlequin and Mother Goose” starring Joseph Grimaldi, in his most famous clown performance, opens at the Covent Garden Theatre, London
1852 – Emma Snodgrass arrested in Boston for wearing pants
1945 – Montreal right wing Maurice Richard scores twice in Canadiens’ 5-4 loss to Chicago Black Hawks to record his 100th NHL career goal; reaches mark in just 145 games, then fastest in history; since broken by Mike Bossy, 100 goals in 129 games
1972 – “Aguirre, the Wrath of God” film written and directed by Werner Herzog, starring Klaus Kinki premieres in West Germany
2013 – Syrian Observatory for Human Rights says barrel bombs on Aleppo have killed 517 people since 15th December
2013 – 7-time world F1 motor racing champion Michael Schumacher suffers a serious head injury in a ski accident in the French Alps; his condition still remains unclear
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1856 – Thomas J Stieltjes, Dutch mathematician (Stieltjes integral), born in Zwolle, Netherlands (d. 1894)
1938 – Jon Voight, American actor (Deliverance, Midnight Cowboy), born in Yonkers, New York
1952 – Nikolai Andrianov, Soviet/Russian gymnast (Olympic gold 1972, 76, 80), born in Vladimir, Russia (d. 2011)
1960 – Katerina Didaskalou, Greek actress, born in Athens, Greece
1965 – David Delfino, American hockey goaltender (Team Italy 1998), born in Boston, Massachusetts
1975 – Jaret Wright, American baseball player, born in Anaheim, California
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1619 – Antoine Arnauld, French lawyer (Philippica), dies
1910 – Reginald “R.F.” Doherty, British tennis player (4-time Wimbledon champion), dies of neurasthenia at 38
1916 – Grigori Rasputin, Russian monk and confidant of Russian Tsar Nicholas II, assassinated by conservative Russian aristocrats at 45
1929 – Wilhelm Maybach, German automobile designer (b. 1846)
1953 – Violet MacMillan, American Broadway theatre actress(b. 1887)
1984 – Leo Robin, lyricist, dies of heart failure at 84
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A bit of fidgeting is normal, especially in kids and teenagers. If your child fidgets a lot, you may be wondering how to help them sit calmly and focus. If you notice a certain child fidgeting a lot, here is how to handle it.
EditEncouraging a Healthy Lifestyle
Encourage adequate exercise. One factor that may make children more fidgety is a lack of exercise. Children should get at least 60 minutes or more of physical activity a day. Any physical activity that accelerates your child’s heart rate will help them burn off excess energy, allowing them to focus.
Consider having kids play games and sports that encourage a lot of physical activity, like tag or soccer. You might also encourage them to jump rope, practice animal walks, do some wall pushups, or simply run around in the park.
Promote a healthy diet. In some children, fidgeting and an inability to concentrate may be the result of a poor diet. Sugary foods, such as soft drinks and sweets, cause a spike in activity followed by a quick crash in energy. In order to help children stay focused, try to promote a diet that is high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats. This will ensure that your children are eating foods that will supply them with a steady source of energy throughout the day.
Choose calming foods for snacks, like low-fat cheese, low-fat yogurt, whole grain crackers, nuts or seeds, and veggies, instead of foods with lots of sugar.
Make sure that lots of stimulating activities are available. Sometimes, kids can get restless because they’re bored. Keep options available so that the child can find something to do if they are bored.
High-energy activities, like jump ropes and mini trampolines, can help a child burn off excess energy.
Include some activities that children can do for longer periods, like books, toys, puzzles, and coloring books.
Spend one-on-one time with your child each day. Sometimes, kids act out a little because they feel like they aren’t getting enough attention. Your child may be a bit more peaceful if they get some attention from you.
If your child seems bored, you can always ask “Are you bored? Do you feel like hanging out?” You can also encourage your child to ask you to do things with them (e.g. inviting you to draw pictures or go for a walk) when they want attention.
Encourage your child to communicate their feelings and talk about them.
Develop relaxation practices. Anxiety is another factor that can cause children to be fidgety. To help your children feel less anxious, teach them mindfulness practices, such as meditation and controlled breathing. This will help them manage their anxiety and concentrate on their tasks.
Mindfulness practices are a great way to teach a kid to handle distractions and hone their concentration.
Children can also do yoga and meditation to help them relax and self-soothe. Look for kid-friendly videos online, such as “Cosmic Kids Yoga” and “Stop, Breathe and Think Kids.”
If your child is particularly anxious, you should talk with them about their anxiety. You may also want to consult a mental health professional if the anxiety appears severe.
Eliminate distractions. Fidgeting can be the result of external distractions. For example, music, a playing television, or noises from outside may distract your child from their task. If you want your child to concentrate and not fidget, be sure to remove anything that may distract them. Turn off any loud appliances and try to create an environment that is peaceful and relatively quiet.
If outside noises are a distraction, you might consider using a white noise machine, playing ambient music, or providing your child with noise-cancelling headphones.
Fidget toys are less likely to help typically developing children. You can try fidget toys, but for kids without disabilities, they may be more harmful than helpful. See what works for your child.
EditManaging Fidgety Behavior
Create realistic expectations. In some cases, it is the adults who need to adjust their expectations about how long a child can sit still. Some fidgeting is normal for children. Keep in mind that the average attention span for a child is their chronological age plus 1, in minutes. Therefore, a 6-year-old has an attention span of around 7 minutes. Be mindful of this and don’t expect a child to sustain an activity past their natural attention span.
Allow fidgeting. Some kids need to move more than others do, so if your child fidgets a lot, it’s not something to worry about. Kinesthetic learners may need to move their bodies while learning and/or focusing.
Fidgeting is also normal and healthy behavior in autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and similar disabilities. Children with these disorders will probably need to fidget in order to sit calmly and focus.
If you discourage a naturally fidgety child from fidgeting, they will spend all of their mental energy trying to stay still, which distracts them from their other tasks. As long as the fidgeting is not a distraction to others, you should allow fidgety behavior.
For example, a child might find it helpful to swivel in their chair, twirl their hair, or tap their pencil.
Consider offering fidget toys. One way of proactively addressing fidgeting is by giving students fidget toys that allow them to fidget while they work. These toys are typically soft balls, like a stress ball, or objects that students can squeeze as they concentrate on a task. This ensures that the kids are not distracted by their own restlessness.
Some kids (especially kids with disabilities) focus better with fidget toys. Others find them more distracting than helpful. Try them out with your child and see what happens.
Coloring books are another way for kids to be physically active while concentrating on a task.
Use different types of seating. Various desks and chairs may help students work out their fidgeting issues while boosting their concentration. Standing desks allow students to move their legs while they work. Stability balls provide a similar amount of physical stimulation for kids with disabilities. A Hokki Stool is another seating device that allows students to fidget while not distracting those around them.
If it is not too much of a distraction, you might consider allowing students with ADHD and related disabilities more time to walk around while they work on a task.
Redirect a child whose fidgeting is getting excessive. If a child is fidgeting to the point where they aren’t focusing, it means they probably need to take a break to get up and move around.
Remind children to respect others’ personal space as needed. For example, if your child is fidgeting with another kid’s hair, you could say “Annie, we always need to respect people’s personal space when we fidget. You can play with your own hair or your toys, but it’s not okay to play with Susie’s hair without her permission.”
If the fidgeting isn’t disruptive, then let it be.
EditRecognizing Developmental Disabilities
Realize that all kids fidget. All children fidget sometimes, and plenty of adults fidget from time to time also. Don’t worry if your kid is a little more fidgety than average. It could just mean that you have an energetic kid.
Look for signs of ADHD, autism, and related disabilities. Fidgeting can be a sign of a developmental disability that impacts your child’s ability to sit still. Learn the signs and see if they sound familiar.
Inattentive type ADHD involves difficulty listening, daydreaming, and difficulty paying attention.
Hyperactive type ADHD involves impulsivity, restlessness, excessive talking, and other signs.
Autism involves a need for routine, intense interests, fidgeting, social confusion, and developmental delays and quirks.
Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) involves over-sensitivity, under-sensitivity, and/or fidgeting used to calm oneself or stay occupied.
Talk to the child’s teachers, and other adults who work with the child. Go to anyone who works with lots of children, because they have a good sense of what is typical and what is different. Ask them if they’ve noticed anything different about your child.
If they say yes, don’t panic. Whether your child has a disability or not, they can still have a happy and meaningful life. Plenty of kids with disabilities grow up into happy and healthy disabled adults.
Talk to a mental health professional. If you believe that your child is autistic or has ADHD, you should visit a mental health professional and have them assessed. It is important that a professional evaluate your child in order to receive a correct diagnosis and course of treatment. A mental health professional will likely give you some strategies for handling your child’s disability that may include things like medication or increased activity.
Children with developmental disabilities may also have disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and behavior issues like conduct disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. If this is the case, finding the diagnosis/diagnoses can help you learn to identify and manage problems.
Help Your Child Focus
Teach an Autistic Child to Sit in a Chair
Recognize ADHD in Children
Handle Stimming in Autistic Children
Deal With ADHD Kids
Diagnose Sensory Processing Disorder
Help a Hyposensitive Autistic Person
EditSources and Citations
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