How to Find Out What You Want in a Relationship

Knowing exactly what you want out of a relationship is very difficult, especially if you’re young or inexperienced. Even if you’ve dated many other people, every relationship is unique, and you might have different priorities now than you have had in the past. Finding out what you want in a relationship can be a laborious process, but it’s worth it.

[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Determining the Deal-Breakers
Develop a list of non-negotiables. Sometimes, to get a better understanding of what you want in a relationship, it’s best to inform yourself on what you don’t want. Figuring out what you want can be tricky, but, usually, you know exactly what you don’t want. Sit down and put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first. Research shows that common deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are:[1]
Having anger issues or exhibiting abusive behaviors
Dating several people at once
Being unworthy of trust
Being already in a relationship or married
Having health issues like an STD
Having a drug or alcohol problem
Being inattentive
Having poor hygiene
Figure out the personal values you don’t want to compromise.[2] You can think of your personal values as a roadmap detailing the sort of life you’d like to lead. It’s unlikely to think that a romantic partner will share all the same values as you. However, it’s important for you to know what yours are so that you can know which principles and beliefs you are not willing to compromise.
For example, if you think honesty is really important, you are unlikely to mesh well with a partner who lies. What’s more, it’s likely to cause a rift in the relationship if your partner expects you to lie.
Find out your core values by answering these questions and looking for reoccurring themes:
If you could change something about the community you live in, what would it be? Why?
Who are the two people you respect or admire the most? What traits do you admire about these people?
If your home caught on fire and all the living beings were safely out, what three items would you choose to rescue? Why?
Which moment in your life made you feel very satisfied? What happened to make you feel that way?
Consider any previous relationship patterns. Think back on relationships you have had in the past—whether romantic, platonic, or familial. For those relationships that ended badly, consider the factors that contributed to the relationship dissolving. What about those relationships left you dissatisfied or unhappy?[3]
Write down any negative patterns you can uncover from your relationships with past lovers, friends, or family members that did not fulfill you. Consider these problem areas as a foundation for what you don’t want in the future.
Think about any issues you have noticed in the relationships around you. Others’ relationships affect you, too. Surely, you have spent time with friends or family members who were in romantic relationships. Even though you were on the outside, you may have been aware of issues these individuals experienced.
For example, maybe your sister was devastated after her boyfriend cheated. You helping her through this time made you aware of how important it is to be faithful in a relationship.
Take note of any such red flags from others’ relationships that you don’t want to have happen in yours. Learning from the mistakes of others may help you to enjoy a more satisfying relationship in the future.[Edit]Examining Your Needs
Love yourself first. Many people wrongfully search for a romantic partner to complete them. However, your partner should only complement you—you should already be complete on your own. Feeling complete translates to having self-love that is not dependent on anyone else loving you. Show love to yourself by:[4]
Creating a list of your favorite qualities about yourself (e.g. friendliness, your smile, etc.)
Speaking to yourself in a gentle, loving way as you would a friend
Becoming aware of your inner needs and desires and living in accordance with them
Caring for your body
Managing stress
Avoiding the tendency to dwell in the past—live in the now
Think about what kind of relationship you want. What are your expectations, for both your partner and yourself? Try to be as impartial about yourself as possible. This will help you identify types of people you want to stop seeing and behavioral patterns that you want to end, which will help you figure out the kind of relationship you actually do want.
For example, you might think you’re ready to settle down, but deep down you know you’re not ready for that kind of commitment. Or conversely, you might think you just want to have some casual fun, but you know from past relationships that you get too emotionally invested.[5]
Transform your list of deal-breakers into most important qualities. Go back to your list of deal-breakers. By knowing what you don’t want, you can now uncover some things that you do. Transform your list of deal-breakers into positive qualities that you desire in a relationship.
For instance, if a deal-breaker for you was someone who has a drug or alcohol problem, you might transform that into “concern for physical and mental health”. You know you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who uses drugs or alcohol abusively, so you would look for someone who seems to prioritize health.
Add more ‘nice-to-have’ qualities as you think of them. Be completely honest with yourself. If physical attractiveness is a deal breaker for you, put that down. But try to focus on qualities that don’t have to do with looks, such as intelligence, patience, and empathy. You should also think about things like religion and politics, which may or may not be relevant to you. Don’t leave anything out, no matter how embarrassing or trivial it seems.
Be the person you want to date. One way to maximize on the process of discovering your ideal partner is to embody the traits you yourself are looking for. This method allows you to check whether your expectations are realistic and it also gives you a chance to assess what you are willing to give in a relationship.[6] It’s unreasonable to have a list of demands without making any changes on your own. But, personifying the traits you desire makes you an attractive partner that will likely attract someone like you.
For example, if physical health and well-being is an important quality you are asking for in a partner, strive to spend a month focusing wholeheartedly on your own health—eating well, exercising, fighting stress, and getting sleep. Keep up the good habits after the month ends.
Let’s say you listed “be rich” as a quality you wish for. If you yourself will have trouble becoming rich out of the blue, then you may want to relax this quality to something like “is financially stable.”[Edit]Dating Casually
Go out with a few people with no strings attached. You can make lists and look at your past relationships for signposts, but the very best way to figure out what you want in a relationship is to start dating casually. Go out for coffee, ice cream, or drinks with a few people who seem to meet your standards.
Know your limitations before you step into this domain, however. You may not want to become physically intimate with several people at the same time.[7]
Also, it’s wise to make sure you communicate that you are dating casually to prevent hurt feelings. Set a timeline for when you should stop seeing someone if you don’t feel a natural connection. If someone seems to become serious, or you start feeling more attracted to one person over another, cut ties with everyone else and follow your instinct.
Evaluate your compatibility with different suitors. As you casually date a few potential suitors, consider how well each individuals matches up with your personal values, goals and dreams. Check to be sure no one is representing qualities from your deal-breakers list. As you come to get to know this person, don’t forget about your own wants and needs.[8]
At this point, you may naturally feel a better connection or more aligned with one person over any others. Now is the time to cut off any ties with other suitors so that you can focus on strengthening the relationship you have with this person and maintain fidelity.
Visualize the relationship beyond the honeymoon phase. Every short-term relationship starts off by seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses. Everything the other person says or does is absolutely charming. In time, the perfect aura around this person starts to fade. Prepare yourself for this eventuality and start looking beyond the crazy-in-love phase to how things will be in several months or years.[9]
You must consider whether the seemingly small things that annoy you about your partner will be magnified as the rose-colored glasses come off. Return to your list and make sure that you haven’t been overlooking any important values or qualities due to being head-over-heels.
For example, if cleanliness was important for you at the onset, are you going to be able to ignore how your girlfriend piles dishes in the sink for days on end?
Before you break up with the person for any perceived slight, consider that you are bound to dislike to some small quirk of your partner. Just make sure you aren’t overlooking any non-negotiables.
Communicate with your partner. If you come to find that you and your partner are quite compatible—sharing similar values, goals, interests, and outlooks on life, then it may be time to have a candid talk about where you stand.[10] Once you feel sure that this person embodies what you want in a relationship, you need to make sure he or she feels the same.
Be straightforward about your feelings. If your partner is not interested in a long-term relationship, it’s better to know that early on. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can change his or her mind one way or another.
Ask your mate for some quiet time and express your feelings about this relationship. You might say “I have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. I wanted to see how you felt about our connection and where we stand?” It’s significant to find out whether your partner sees the long-term for the two of you and whether he or she is ready to become mutually exclusive.[Edit]Related wikiHows
Have a Healthy Relationship
Have a Long Term Relationship[Edit]References
[Edit]Quick Summary↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201510/the-top-9-relationship-deal-breakers

↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/love-and-dating-what-you-need

↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/love-and-dating-what-you-need?page=3

↑ http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/learning-to-love-yourself/#.Vyos8dKDGkp

↑ http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/do-i-want-a-relationship

↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201107/6-tips-dating-success-what-you-both-want-matters

↑ http://relationshipcounselingcenter.net/relationship-news/really-difference-casual-dating-committed-relationship/

↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/finding-good-match-know-want-need-relationship/

↑ http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/when-the-honeymoon-phase-is-over/#.VyozwNKDGkp

↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201303/how-compatible-are-you-your-significant-other

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Today in History for 24th March 2020

Historical Events

1925 – KSL-AM in Salt Lake City UT begins radio transmissions
1981 – “Nightline with Ted Koppel” premieres on ABC
1993 – Ezer Weizman elected president of Israel
2006 – Pope Benedict XVI adds 15 men to the College of Cardinals, in the first consistory of his Pontificate
2010 – The World Health Organization appoints Craig David as a Goodwill Ambassador against tuberculosis on World Tuberculosis Day
2018 – American conducts it first ever drone strike against Qaeda militants in southern Libya

More Historical Events »

Famous Birthdays

1740 – John Antes, American composer and missionary, born in Frederick, Pennsylvania (d. 1811)
1937 – Billy Stewart, US RandB singer (I Do Love You)
1944 – R. Lee Ermey, American actor (Full Metal Jacket- Gunnery Sergeant Hartman), born in Emporia, Kansas (d. 2018)
1947 – Meiko Kaji, Japanese singer and actress
1962 – Angèle Dubeau, Canadian violinist
1965 – Angela Zuckerman, speed skater (Olympics 1994), born in St Louis, Missouri

More Famous Birthdays »

Famous Deaths

1471 – Thomas Malory, author (Le Morte d’Arthur), dies at 55
1899 – Billy Barnes, English cricketer (725 runs in 21 Tests for England), dies at 46
1915 – Karol Olszewski, Polish scientist (b. 1846)
1921 – Larry McLean, Canadian baseball player, dies at 39
2012 – Jocky Wilson, Scottish darts player (BDO World Champion 1982, 89), dies of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease at 62
2016 – Earl Hamner Jr., American creator and narrator of TV show “The Waltons”, dies at 92

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How to Keep Rings from Sliding

Rings often slide around on your finger if the ring is a little too big. If you’d like to make sure your ring stays put on your finger, there are lots of simple fixes that will help keep it in place. If you have materials at home like hot glue, tape, or string, you can make your own solution with just a few minutes of time. While taking your ring to a jeweler for a more permanent fix will take a little longer, it’s a great way to keep your ring from sliding around on your finger too.

[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Doing a Quick Fix
Cover the inside of the band with hot glue and let it cool to downsize the ring. For a precise fit, squirt out a thin line of hot glue in the inside of your ring’s band and let it dry completely before putting it on your finger. If your ring is way too big for your finger and needs more than a thin layer of glue, squirt out a small pile of hot glue on a paper or plastic plate. Dip the bottom of your ring’s band into the hot glue, moving it back and forth until you build up a thick layer. Wipe off the excess hot glue and let the ring dry.[1]
Use your fingers to pop the hot glue right off of the ring if you decide you’d like to remove it.
Make sure the hot glue is completely dry before you put it on your finger to avoid burning your skin.
Wrap clear Scotch tape around your ring’s band to make it feel smaller. Pull off a piece of tape that’s roughly long. Start at one end of the tape and begin rolling it in a circle on top of itself, leaving enough length at the end to wrap around your ring’s band. Once the tape is in a small ball, flatten the ball and place it inside your ring on the bottom of the band. Use the extra length of tape that isn’t in a ball to secure it to the band.[2]
Use clear tape if possible so it’s not as noticeable when you put the tape on your ring.
Apply a quick-drying clear nail polish on the inside of the ring for an invisible fix. Shake up a bottle of clear top coat nail polish and use the applicator brush to swipe a clear coat onto the inside of your ring’s band. Apply the nail polish in a thin layer on the bottom of the band and try to avoid getting any on the outside of the ring. Wait a few minutes for the nail polish to dry before putting on your ring to make sure it doesn’t smear.[3]
If your ring is still sliding around on your finger, apply another clear coat layer on top of the first layer to give it more height.
Use your fingers to wipe away any excess nail polish that gets on the sides of your ring, if necessary.
If you need to remove the top coat from the ring, soak a cotton ball in acetone and dab the ring with it until the nail polish comes off.
Attach a plastic ring guard to the band for a store-bought option. Plastic ring guards are transparent little tubes that slip onto your ring’s band to help keep it from moving around on your finger. Pick out a plastic ring guard in a size right for your specific ring and place the plastic tube onto your band by slipping it through the slit in the ring guard.[4]
Look for plastic ring guards at your local big box store or online.
Loop clear fishing line around the ring to help keep it in place. Cut a strand of clear fishing line that’s at least long. String the clear fishing line through the ring and tie a knot near the edge of the band to keep it secure. Begin wrapping the fishing line through the band to create loops and push the loops close together when they’re on the band. Once you get to the other side of the band, tie another knot to secure the fishing line in place.[5]
Pull the fishing line taut as you’re looping it through the band to make sure it stays on the ring tightly. This will also help you push the loops together more easily.
If you need to remove the fishing line from the ring, cut the knots at the band and unravel it carefully.
Wrap a piece of cloth or string around the band for a comfortable solution. If you think the plastic or fishing line solutions might be uncomfortable on your finger, pick out a piece of soft string or a skinny piece of cloth that’s at least long. Tie a knot onto the side of your band using the string or cloth and begin looping it through the band and pulling it tightly. This will create a soft cushion to help keep your ring from moving around.[6]
Tie another knot at the other end of the band to keep the string or cloth in place.
Use a soft cloth that’s less than wide to make looping it easier.
Use scissors to cut the string or cloth off of the ring, if necessary.[Edit]Taking Your Ring to a Professional
Add sizing beads to your ring to change it about a half size. Sizing beads are made out of the same material as your ring and are added to the inside of the band to keep your ring from moving around on your finger. Two beads are soldered on in the lower left and lower right section of the band and can be smoothed out to be more comfortable.[7]
Contact your local jeweler to find out how much sizing beads would cost for your specific type of ring.
For example, if your ring was made out of 14K gold, the beads that are attached would be made of 14K gold as well to match.
Sizing beads can also be removed later on by your jeweler, if needed.
Pay a jeweler to add a metal spring insert to your ring for a comfortable fix. Spring inserts are ‘U’ shaped and attach to the inside of your ring’s band. When you slide your finger into your ring, the metal ‘U’ shape will expand to hold your ring in place on your finger.[8]
Many people find these to be the most comfortable option.
The spring insert is usually silver, even if your ring is a different color or material.
Get your ring professionally resized for a permanent solution. If your ring slides around constantly or is just clearly too large, the best thing to do is to get it resized. While this may be a little more expensive, resizing your ring will ensure that it’s comfortable and permanently fixed. To resize the ring, your jeweler will likely cut out a small section of the ring and rejoin it so it’s the right size.[9]
Make sure you talk with your jeweler about how much smaller your ring needs to be and what your correct ring size is so they know exactly how to resize it.[Edit]References↑ https://www.today.com/style/how-resize-your-ring-less-1-minute-t109611

↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snv-UoU2Usg#t=37s

↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZHUFh7mfc#t=43s

↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItY4lUMGzcc#t=2m10s

↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP_F8Lnx0WU#t=4m10s

↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP_F8Lnx0WU#t=2m30s

↑ http://www.jewelrywise.com/just-for-you/article/your-ring-questions-answered-part-2

↑ http://www.jewelrywise.com/just-for-you/article/your-ring-questions-answered-part-2

↑ https://www.marthastewartweddings.com/2108296/signs-you-need-engagement-ring-resized

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