Perhaps you are a manager looking to create a more positive work environment or maybe you are just looking to learn better conflict resolution skills. Diplomacy involves evaluating a situation before speaking or acting and taking the best course of action. While diplomacy can be difficult in certain situations, you can remain poised by being tactful, defusing difficult situations, and building relationships with others.
Choose your words carefully. Remember that though your intentions may be good, sometimes your words might hurt others. Before speaking about a sensitive topic, ask yourself if what you’re about to say is true, helpful and kind. Use “I” statements to describe your own thoughts instead of guessing at what others think or feel.
For instance, you can say “I’m feeling uncomfortable with the decision made in today’s meeting” instead of “You should be upset about that decision today.”
Always make statements from your own point of view and perspective.
Avoid being defensive or blaming others.
If you need to discuss something serious with someone, practice your words beforehand.
Adapt your communication style based on the situation. Always know your audience before delivering a message. This will help to ensure that it is well received and understood. Determine whether email or in-person communication works best or if news is best delivered in groups or in one-on-one settings.
For instance, perhaps you need to tell your staff that there will be budget cuts. In the past you may have used email to deliver sensitive information, but have found that caused confusion. Call a staff meeting instead and deliver the facts while providing time for questions.
Schedule individual meetings as necessary or requested.
Be open to new ideas. Instead of always making decisions on your own, listen to the perspectives of others. Thank them for telling you how they feel so that they always feel comfortable doing so. Take time to consider others’ opinions, but stand firm by your own decisions when you feel that you have made the best choice.
Say “Thank you for your honesty, Jason. I’ll take what you said about universal healthcare into consideration and I’ll do more research.”
Be assertive with your words and body language. When speaking to others, don’t be aggressive, but do be confident. Speak slowly and deliberately. Sit with your legs and arms uncrossed and look people in the eye when they are speaking.
You should still acknowledge when you don’t know something. For example, say, “I’m not sure about that subject and don’t know the answer right now, but I’ll be sure to look into it further.”
Use indirect language. Instead of being overly direct about your thoughts and feelings, add a bit of fluff. Make suggestions instead of telling people what to do. A diplomatic person does not bark out orders, but finds ways to inspire others to action instead. Your goal should be to collaborate with your team and encourage them to do their best.
For instance, if you are managing a conflict between your children, you might say “You two might want to consider a better way to divide up the space in your room so that you fight less.”
You can say to an employee who’s often late “Have you considered taking the interstate to work instead? It’s a bit quicker in my experience.” If you choose to say this, say it to someone who you have a good relationship with. It could be perceived as passive-aggressive in some contexts.
Mind your manners. Having good manners is key to diplomacy. Wait your turn to speak and never interrupt others. Be encouraging and avoid hurling insults. Keep your voice at a natural and neutral level and avoid cursing or yelling.
Control your emotions. Perhaps you have to work with people who you really don’t like or whose actions you consider offensive. However, being diplomatic is not just for those you get along with. Practice deep-breathing techniques to calm you when others stress you out. If you feel that you are going to cry or yell, walk away for a moment to use the restroom.
Consider trying a meditation app such as Insight Timer to help you manage your emotions.
Alternatively, you could try grounding yourself in the moment. Focus your attention on how your feet feel against the floor or how your buttocks feels against your chair.[Edit]Addressing Difficult Situations
Pick a non-stressful time to talk. If you need to have a conversation with someone over something serious, do so when you are both calm. This will help ensure that you can have a reasonable conversation.
Start with a positive comment when giving bad news. Before delivering upsetting information, ease the mood with some positive feedback or news. This will keep the other person calm and establish trust.
Perhaps you are declining a wedding invitation. Instead of just replying “no,” send a card that says “Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I know it will be a beautiful day. Unfortunately, I have a work event, but I wish you nothing but the best and will mail my gift to you.”
Be sure to do this when giving constructive criticism, as well.
Focus on the facts of the situation. Before a major talk, consider the facts. You don’t want to enter into conversation relying too much on emotion or opinion, but on reason and logic instead. During your talk, avoid blaming others or becoming defensive. You should not take things personally.
Perhaps your office is undergoing a restructure. Rather than going to your boss and saying “I don’t like these changes” say “With our department having increased our sales by double in the last quarter, making cuts here will severely affect our ability to make a profit.”
Find ways to compromise with others. Determine both your goal and the goals of others. Think about what you desire to gain as well as what your counterpart wants and look for ways that these interests overlap.
For instance, perhaps your spouse wants to move so the kids can go to a better school. You might want to stay because it’s close to your office. Consider private schools or moving just one town over.
Express your likes and dislikes to create beneficial situations for everyone. Once you have spoken about each of your objectives, find ways to negotiate. Diplomacy often involves giving up some things so that you can have other things that you desire. Be willing to do so for the sake of compromise and progress.
Perhaps you are creating a chore list for you and your roommate. You may not mind doing the dishes but hate working outdoors. Perhaps your roommate has the opposite feeling. Offer to take on dish duty in the place of yard work.
React calmly when given bad news. Perhaps your boss tells you that you are being fired or your spouse says they are leaving you. Instead of yelling, hurling insults, or having a meltdown, show maturity through remaining calm. Take several deep breaths in and out. Respond positively and step away as needed to collect yourself.
For instance, to your boss you might say “I’m very sorry to hear this. Is there a particular reason and is this a final decision?”
Don’t numb out your emotions or escape from them with things like drugs or alcohol. Instead, talk with a friend, engage in a fun activity, or get some exercise. If you are really struggling, see a therapist or counselor.
Speak well of others. When others are gossiping, don’t add fuel to the fire. You might work in a toxic environment where rumors are often spread, but don’t be a part of that. Refraining from gossip shows to others that you have character and integrity.
Be honest and show people your true self. A major element of being diplomatic is being real. When having these tough conversations, it’s vital to be truthful with others. If not, you won’t be able to get what you want and people won’t be able to form genuine relationships with you.
Maybe you made an error on a project that has affected your team. Instead of shifting blame, say “I made an error on the report and that’s why we’ve been getting so many calls today. I apologize and I’m working to fix it. Let me know if you all have questions or need help.”
Take a step back from the conversation. Avoid making difficult decisions on the spot. Instead of making decisions that you’ll regret, walk away for a moment to think.
For instance, you might be a supervisor working with an employee who is asking to work from home one day a week. Before saying ‘no’ immediately, consider their needs and reasoning. Find a way to compromise if possible and offer this flexibility to other staff as well.[Edit]Building Rapport with Others
Make small talk to create comfort. A major part of diplomacy is helping others feel comfortable with you. Instead of jumping right into a serious talk, establish a level of friendliness with others. Talk about each other’s weekends, spouses, kids or hobbies. Discuss the latest news or TV shows that you’re watching. Help them feel at ease by showing your interest in their lives.
Inject humor where you can.
Mirror their body language. Show empathy for them by mimicking their gestures and posture. If they are sitting with their hand resting under their chin, do the same. This shows that you are engaged in the conversation.
Smile at them when you see them at first, as well.
Use their name in conversation. People often respond positively to the use of their own name. Every so often, use their name while you’re talking.
It can be something simple like “Where would you like to have lunch, Kyle?” or something more serious like “Andrea, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother.”
Be an attentive listener. When having a talk with someone, avoid using your phone or daydreaming. Instead, actively listen to them so that you can understand their perspective. Relay back what they said to you to prove that you hear them.
For instance, you might say “It sounds like having to take care of your mother and your small child is really taking a toll on your health.”
Ask them questions. Show that you’re listening to them by learning more about what they’re discussing. Ask them open-ended questions that require thought and more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.
Ask something like “Wow, you went to Greece? What made you decide to go there and what did you like best?”[Edit]Expert Advice
Try this approach if you’re clashing with someone on an issue
Thank them for their comments. If someone criticizes you, say something like, “Hey thanks for your feedback. You seem really passionate about this topic. You may be seeing something I’m not. Can you share your thoughts with me about this?”
Listen to what they have to say. When you ask the other person for their opinion, they may feel a sense of purpose or even righteousness. Even if you don’t care for the person, hold it in for the sake of trying to understand the person and resolve the issue.
Recognize the person’s input. After the other person shares their perspective, compliment them, even if you still disagree with them. Acknowledging them may help you both move on and work together more effectively in the future.
Ask for help if you can’t resolve the problem on your own. Sometimes the only way to move past an issue at work is to reach out to a third party for mediation. If you work together, for instance, go to your supervisor or manager. However, try to frame it in a way that you’re asking for help to come up with solutions, rather than judging the other person. That will show your boss that you’re self-aware and proactive, and that while you need help, you aren’t coming to them just to complain.[Edit]Tips
Many great books offer tips on diplomacy. For instance, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” written by Dale Carnegie, offers a lot of excellent advice on this subject.[Edit]Warnings
Be careful with the use of the word “No.” You should try to listen well to others’ point of view and agree that you understand their point of view, though not necessarily agreeing with what they said.[Edit]Related wikiHows
Deal with a Jerk at Work
Know When to Give an Employee a Written Warning
Respond When Someone Insults Your Convictions
Avoid a Confrontation
Deal With a Confrontation
Practice Nonviolent Communication
[Edit]Quick Summary↑ https://hbr.org/2014/06/choose-the-right-words-in-an-argument
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A D.I.Y. Dance for Your Home, From Yvonne Rainer The New York Times
Prom is one of the most special occasions of your teenage years and you will remember the night for the rest of your life. Naturally, you want to look your absolute best! However, all of the preparation and planning for prom can be a bit daunting. By using a systematic approach to prom planning and getting organized early, you will enjoy a stress-free experience and look better than ever for your big night.
[Edit]Finding The Perfect Ensemble
Build a scrapbook of ideas. Start looking for and collecting images of dresses or tuxedos you like at least 5 or 6 months in advance. Flip through fashion magazines and comb the internet for styles that really stand out to you. After you’ve scrapbooked for a while, you’ll notice that a clear picture of what you really want your dress or tux to look like is beginning to form in your mind.
Try to narrow things down as specifically as possible, even down to particular color choices.
Bring your scrapbook with you when you go shopping. It will help you stay focused on the look you’re going for and make shopping a little easier.
Start dress hunting early. Give yourself plenty of time to search for the right dress. This is not a choice that you want to rush! Start looking about 3 or 4 months in advance. Hit all of the stores in your area and if possible, have a parent take you shopping out of town, as well.
Remember, all of the other girls are shopping just like you are. They are most likely going to the same shops and looking at the same gowns.
Shopping out of town will help you feel secure that whatever dress you choose, someone else won’t be wearing it.
Don’t forget to hunt for a dress online. It’s not an ideal situation, since you won’t be able to try it on before you buy it. However, if you find something that you really love online and it’s still relatively early in the game, you can have it tailored to fit you perfectly once it arrives.
Start tuxedo hunting early, as well. While tuxedos aren’t quite as variable as dresses, there are still a lot of details you’ll want to get just right. Start hunting for your tux about 3 or 4 months in advance.
Prom is a black-tie affair, so you really want to go with either a tuxedo or a very dark and dapper suit.Try to narrow down which one you want before you go out shopping, so that you can stay focused. At the very least, nail it down super early in your hunt.
Most choose to go with a tux, but there’s no reason why you can’t do your own thing!
You want to ensure that you are able to find your ideal tux in plenty of time to also have it tailored before prom. Tuxedos and suits, right off the rack, are generally cut to fit male model prototypes. Gender presentation, personal style or sexual orientation aren’t usually addressed right off the rack.
Shop with a trustworthy friend or family member. Bring someone that you know will be completely honest with you. Whenever you find a dress or tux that you are definitely considering, don’t just try it on alone in the dressing room. Come out and get their honest opinion.
When you try on a gown or tux that you really like, ask your shopping companion to snap a picture of you wearing it with your phone. That way you’ll have a mini-archive of everything that you really liked to reference later, when you’re ready to start narrowing it down.
Don’t make a snap decision. Try on lots of dresses or other ensembles and collect at least 10 to 15 pictures of possible choices for your mini-archive before even considering making your final decision.
Choose what looks good on you. Avoid shopping for fads and choose a dress style and fit that suits your particular figure and coloring. Not only will you look better, but you will ultimately feel more confident wearing a dress that you know suits you as an individual.
Fads are great, but some gowns and styles are timeless and will always be beautiful.
When you look back at your prom pictures years later, you want to feel proud of the way you look, not slightly embarrassed because you’re wearing a fad that passed quickly and didn’t look good on you.
Get the right size. If you find the absolute perfect dress but it’s too small when you try it on, do not buy the dress with the intention of going on an intense crash diet. That is far too much pressure to put on yourself! And worse – if you fail, what will you wear instead? You’ll have to rush to find a back-up at the last minute, which you definitely want to avoid.
You look great the way you are right now and there are plenty of beautiful dresses out there that will fit you just right. Don’t change yourself for a dress.
Find a tailor for your dress if you are genderqueer or in transition. This is because dresses, right off the rack, are made to fit a female model’s silhouette. A tailor can make a few tweaks for you that will take your look to the next level.
Do not allow gender or sexual orientation to stop you from getting exactly want you want, whether that’s a dress or a tux. You deserve the absolute best and there are tailors out there that specialize in custom fits.
If you find a dress that you love but it’s too big when you try it on, talk to a store associate about the possibility of tailoring it. Some gowns are made of materials that aren’t suitable for tailoring, and others are just too fragile or stylized to be changed, so get a good, clear opinion from an expert.[Edit]Choosing Accessories
Coordinate with your dress. When it comes to choosing jewelry and shoes, base your selections around your dress. Not just the color of the dress – you want to go beyond that. Look for options that suit the style of your dress. A particular necklace may look gorgeous in the case, but clash with your dress.
For instance, if you decide on a vintage-looking gown, you don’t want to wear modern jewelry with it. You’ll want to pick things that have a vintage flair, to coordinate with the dress style.
Focus on achieving an overall look, rather than finding individual pieces that you like that may or may not end up looking good together.
Coordinate with your date. Traditionally, prom couples coordinate their ensembles by choosing matching and complimentary accessories to tie their look together as a unit. Find out the color of your date’s dress in plenty of time to find your accessories.
Choose a long tie, bow tie, and/or cummerbund that match your date’s dress as closely as possible. You can also have your date provide her dress to a tailor, who can then dye your accessories to match hers almost exactly.
If you aren’t able to match your date’s dress, go with neutral choices that match your tux or suit.
Long tie or bow tie? The bow tie is the traditional choice, especially with a tuxedo. If you go with a suit, opt for a long tie instead.
Choose items that you really love. Don’t accessorize with something that doesn’t immediately make you feel pretty or handsome when you put it on. Accessories are meant to accent and highlight your ensemble and you. Select them with care and be very choosy.
Consider coordinating with your prom theme. If you’re hitting your prom solo or just don’t want to match your date, consider coordinating with your prom theme. This will visually tie your look and ensemble in with the whole night, rather than a particular person.
If you are going with a group, consider coordinating your looks as a unit.
Select shoes that you can walk in. Yes, your shoes should be totally awesome, but they also need to be relatively comfortable to wear. Prom isn’t just standing around – you’ll be dancing, getting in and out of cars, and navigating obstacles. If you choose your shoes based on looks alone, you may end up being miserable on prom night because you can’t dance in them, or because they are squeezing your feet too tightly.
Try them on before you buy them and walk around the store until you get a sense of how they’ll perform on prom night.
Be honest with yourself! If you love them but it’s obvious that the heels are too high for you, keep looking. You’ll find the right pair eventually.
On prom night, when you’re cutting a rug on the dancefloor and having a blast, you’ll be glad you took the extra time to find the right shoes.
Try something unusual. Don’t be afraid to try something that you normally wouldn’t wear. It’s prom, so live the fantasy a little! For instance, maybe you find a breathtaking tiara that perfectly mirrors your dress and hairstyle. Or maybe it’s an unusual set of cufflinks to go with your tux or suit. Ordinarily you’d never wear a tiara or those particular cufflinks, but it’s prom night! If it looks good on you, then rock it.
Make sure to get a few opinions before you commit to anything unusual. You want to stand out, but not for the wrong reasons.[Edit]Determining Hair and Makeup
Collect hair and makeup ideas. Start scrapbooking a few months in advance, just like you did for your dress. In fact, you can start matching makeup looks to dress styles as early as the scrapbooking stage!
By the time you get to the hair and makeup part of your prom deliberations, you’ll already have your dress and accessories picked out, as well as a book full of images to review. You can’t go wrong when you prepare that well!
Experiment but don’t go overboard. Start experimenting with the looks you find very early to get a clear picture of what does and doesn’t work for you. Don’t be afraid to try a daring hair or makeup style! It might be absolutely perfect for your dress and suit you wonderfully. On the other hand, it may make you feel uncomfortable or anxious on prom night, and that’s no fun.
Experiment as much as you want, but when it comes down to it, make a solid choice that works for you.
Don’t completely reinvent yourself for prom night – you want to look like yourself in your pictures and be recognizable to your date and friends!
Essentially, you want to look like the best version of your everyday self, with a little extra pizzazz thrown in.
Practice your chosen look several times beforehand. After you’ve experimented with a few looks and you nail it down, practice recreating your hair and makeup look multiple times before the big night. You don’t want to spend 3 hours on the afternoon of prom trying to perfect winged eyeliner or some other detail that you aren’t used to creating – that will definitely stress you out.
If you practice ahead of time you can perfect the look and when prom comes, you can recreate it without a hitch.
After applying your makeup, always set it with a translucent powder as your final step. This will help your makeup last through the night and also control any oil and shine, which will keep you looking fresh and matte for photographs.
Style short hair in a way that coordinates stylistically with your ensemble. That could be anything from a dashing side part, slicked back completely, or even a messy, tousled ‘do, depending on what kind of look you are going for.
Get short hair cut or trimmed a day or two before prom, not the day of. If you want a straight razor shave, visit a barbershop on the morning of prom.
If you want to look really unique or do something very different from everyone else, consider dying your hair. You could even consider dying streaks into your hair that coordinate with your date’s ensemble!
Don’t be afraid to stand out or embrace a look that truly represents you.
Enlist the help of a stylist. If you aren’t that savvy with makeup or hairstyles, consult your hairstylist. Most stylists studied makeup along with hair when they were training at cosmetology school, so they are invaluable sources of information and can help you create the perfect look.
Express to your stylist that you want your hair to look great, but you also want a fairly uncomplicated ‘do that you can maintain easily on your own throughout the evening.
Don’t get talked into something that you don’t like by an over-zealous stylist.[Edit]Taking Care of Yourself
Get plenty of exercise. You want to look fit and feel good in your dress, and the number one way to achieve that is to exercise regularly. If you don’t like cardio or if hitting the gym sounds like torture, try yoga instead.
You can take yoga classes at your local gym or, if your prefer, you can watch instructional videos and practice yoga at home. Sometimes it’s easier to embark on a new fitness routine starting at home, so that you can get used to it before doing it in front of other people.
No matter what exercise regimen you choose, the result will be a happier, healthier you.
Eat well and stay hydrated. No crash diets! Eat sensibly and get enough vitamins and nutrients to keep you healthy and glowing. Drinking lots of water will keep you looking dewy and fresh and help you keep your complexion clear.
Don’t starve yourself before prom. You don’t want to look malnourished and waif-thin on prom night. Malnourished isn’t a good look for anyone.
Eating healthy and well will ensure that you have plenty of strength and energy for your big night.
Along with drinking plenty of water, make sure to use a good moisturizer on your skin every day.
Start a skin care regimen several weeks in advance. Take care to address any acne issues that you are having on your face, and don’t forget to treat breakouts on your back and chest. Prom dresses can be revealing, so you want to address these areas too.
If you are trying out any new skin care products, do so several weeks in advance in case your skin doesn’t react well to them.
Make sure to exfoliate with a gentle product every few days. Don’t overdo it! You don’t need to exfoliate every day – that is too harsh on your skin.
Do any eyebrow plucking and waxing several days before prom, not the night before or the day of. Otherwise, you might end up having some unsightly skin irritation to cover up.
Calm down. Getting ready for prom can be stressful. There are so many decisions to be made and you want everything to be perfect, which is understandable. But don’t take it too far! It’s too much pressure to put on yourself. Yes, you want to look great, but you also want to have fun at prom.
If you stress yourself out to the max, you’ll do nothing on prom night except worry over little details that no one even notices except you. Prom should be a night to remember, and you can’t make memories when you’re worrying about everything the entire time.
Avoid hitting the bathroom every 15 minutes to adjust your dress, perfect your lipstick or fret in general. Get out there and have fun!
Get enough sleep. In the weeks leading up to prom, make sure you get a full night of sleep every night. “Beauty sleep” isn’t just a myth! During sleep, our bodies repair and heal. If you want to look your absolute best on prom night, make it a point to get plenty of rest beforehand.
Not only will you look better well-rested, but you’ll also feel better and have plenty of energy to enjoy the excitement of the night.[Edit]Getting Ready That Day
Start early. Wake up, have breakfast, and start your preparations. If you start early, you can take your time and enjoy a day of primping and pampering. It’s never good to rush when you’re getting ready for anything, especially prom!
Wear a button down shirt or robe as you get ready, so that you can easily transition into your dress without messing up your hair and makeup.
Play fun music to get you in the party mood. You’re probably going to feel slightly nervous during the day, but also try to have some fun. Blast your favorite tunes and get yourself in the mood for a great night.
Prom isn’t all about looking great! You also want to have an amazing time and make wonderful memories. Listening to some fun music while you’re getting ready will help keep you calm and get you looking forward to a night to remember.
Stick to a schedule. Make sure you watch the clock as you get ready. Even though you’re preparing early, it will start getting late before you know it! Make a schedule for yourself that morning when you’re relaxing in the tub, and stick to it.
Allot specific time slots for everything that you want to do. Give yourself 45 minutes for makeup, an hour for hair – whatever you need to make sure you get it done without rushing.
If you have appointments to keep with stylists or makeup artists, make sure that you arrive on time. Running behind on just one thing can throw off your entire day.
Pamper yourself. Take a long hot bubble bath and relax. Eat healthy snacks throughout the day to keep your strength up. Drink some herbal tea and keep your mood light-hearted. [Edit]Related wikiHows
Make Your Lips Smooth
Make Your Own Beauty Products
Dress Like a Celebrity
Dress Like a Model
Pick Out an Outfit
Look Great on a Budget
Get a Guy to Notice You[Edit]References↑ http://www.autostraddle.com/style-manual-suit-one-148365/