How to Use the Law of Attraction

The law of attraction suggests that you can attract positive or negative things into your life through your thoughts and actions. It relies on the theory that everything is made up of energy, so the type of energy you put out will come back to you. If you’re ready to use the law of attraction to tell the universe what you want, start by creating a positive mindset. Then, take action toward your goals and confront your setbacks with a good attitude.

EditCreating a Positive Mindset
Focus on what you want in your life, not what you’re lacking. Don’t think about your old, broken down car. Instead, picture yourself driving a new car. This puts the focus on what you want to bring into your life, rather than what you want to eliminate. It sends the message to the universe that you expect good things to happen![1]
The idea behind this is that what you’re thinking about is what you want in your life. So if you think, “I wish I had a car that didn’t break down all the time,” you’re still focusing on your old car, not a new one.

As another example, think to yourself, “I’m studying hard to get a good grade,” rather than, “I hope I don’t fail this semester.”

Phrase your desires using positive terms. It’s important to avoid phrases that rely on negative words like “no” or “not” to state what you want, such as “I don’t want to lose my job.” Similarly, include the words for what you want to avoid attracting the wrong thing. For instance, “I don’t want to lose” sends out the word “lose,” while “I want to win” sends out the word “win.”[2]

Visualize your dreams coming true. Close your eyes and picture yourself living the life you want. Imagine doing your dream job, showing off your talents, or sliding into your new car. Do this everyday to solidify your intentions and bring them one step closer to reality.[3]
Always picture yourself being successful. For example, imagine yourself getting a promotion at work, not just going about your day-to-day activities. You don’t want to just get the job; you want to excel at it.

Express gratitude for what you already have. Appreciating the good things in your life helps you feel better about your life, which supports your positive mindset. List the things you’re grateful for aloud, or write them in a gratitude journal. Additionally, thank people for the good things they add to your life.[4]
For example, write 3 things you’re grateful for every morning before you get out of bed. This helps you start your day in a good mood.

Meditate at least 5 minutes a day to lower your stress levels. Stress is a normal part of life, but too much can be overwhelming. Relieve your daily stresses with a short meditation that will relax both your mind and body. For a simple meditation, sit in a comfortable position, then close your eyes. Focus on your breathing, letting your thoughts come and go.[5]
You can find guided meditations online or through an app like Calm, Headspace, or Insight Timer.

Replace your worries with thoughts about how things could go right. Worrying can make you manifest what you’re trying to avoid.[6] When worries happen, challenge them by questioning how likely they are to happen. Then, think about what has happened in the past when you worried. Next, consider how bad the worst case scenario would be if your worried thoughts actually happened. You’ll likely realize it’s not that big of a deal in the long-run.[7]
For example, let’s say you’re worried you’ll embarrass yourself during a presentation. How likely is that to happen? Has it happened before? If you did mess up, would it really matter? Would you still think about it a year later? You’ll likely recognize your worry isn’t really a big deal.

It also helps to think about what your life might be like in 5 or 10 years. Will the thing you’re worried about even matter then? Probably not. For example, you might worry about failing a test, but you likely won’t even remember the test in 5 years.

Give yourself time to learn how to stay positive because it can be hard. At first, it will be hard for you to keep your thoughts positive. It’s natural for negative thoughts to come back to you. However, you can help yourself focus on the positive by intentionally confronting negative thoughts. Acknowledge them, dismiss them, then replace them with something positive. With practice, you can become more positive over time.[8]
For example, you might catch yourself thinking, “I keep working so hard, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere.” Stop yourself for a moment and think about why you’re having this thought. Then, list the positive things you’ve experienced while working on this goal, such as learning new things or having new experiences. Finally, choose to see something positive in the situation. You might tell yourself, “I’m getting better over time, and I’m proud of my progress.”

EditTaking Action
Create a vision board for the life you want. Cut out words and pictures from a magazine, print out images, or use photographs to create a collage of what you want. Hang your collage in your living space where you can see it every day. Then, look to your vision board for daily inspiration to work toward your goal.[9]
For example, you might include photos of a house you like, the car you want, the job title you want, and a couple in love.

Remember, a vision board is not a magic wand. To get what you want, you’ll need to do something to get it.

Do one small task every day to work toward your goal. Start by setting a goal to spend 15 minutes a day pursuing your goal. Then, work your way up from there. To keep track of your progress, make a list of small steps you need to take toward your goal, then check them off when you do them. These small actions will help you produce big results![10]

Hold yourself accountable for the work you put into your goals. Set expectations for yourself, and acknowledge when you don’t meet them. Then, examine why you struggled to keep up with your expectations and decide if changes need to be made. Similarly, reward yourself for the hard work you put into your goals.[11]
For example, let’s say you made a goal to spend an hour working toward your goal every day, but you only followed through on the first day. Accept that you didn’t do the work, but also consider if you need to scale back. Maybe try 15 minutes a day to see if you can meet that goal.

Ask for the things you need and want from others. This is the only way for them to know what you expect from them. No one can read your mind, so you have to tell people what you’re thinking. Be direct and honest about what you need and want, and you might just get it.[12]
Let’s say you want to hang out with your friend. Instead of saying, “I wish I had plans this weekend,” say, “Hey, do you want to see a movie on Friday night?”

If you need your roommate to help out more around your home, don’t say, “I wish this place were cleaner.” Say, “Could you put your dirty clothes in the hamper and keep your personal belongings out of the common area?”

Use positive self-talk to motivate yourself to take action. It’s normal to have negative thoughts about yourself, but this can hold you back. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, question that thought and replace it with a positive thought. Additionally, repeat your favorite positive mantra to yourself throughout the day to keep yourself on track.[13]
Let’s say you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never be that good at public speaking.” Question this thought by pointing out that everyone starts somewhere and practice brings improvement. Then, tell yourself, “I am improving at public speaking every time I do it.”

Throughout your day, repeat a positive mantra to yourself, such as, “I’m living my dreams,” “I’m a success,” or “I radiate joy.”

EditResponding to Setbacks
Recognize you’re not to blame for accidents, illnesses, or events beyond your control. Everyone experiences hardships at one time or another. This might include losing a job, coping with a medical issue, or suffering an injury. Don’t blame yourself when these things happen because they happen to everyone.[14]
Let’s say someone crashed into your car while you were driving. This is an accident, and you didn’t cause it. Don’t blame yourself!

No one can have a perfect life without hardship, even while using a tool like the law of attraction.

Focus on changing your response to hardships rather than avoiding them. You can’t stop all bad things from happening, as this isn’t possible. However, you can choose to have a better reaction to them. Instead of getting upset, accept hardships as part of life. Then, reach out to people who care about you to get support.[15]
For example, let’s say you lost a job you really wanted. Instead of dwelling on the loss, accept that this time it wasn’t meant to be. Then, think about how you can use this experience to do better next time.

Look for the lesson or silver lining in obstacles or hardships, when you’re ready. This helps you see something good that the hardship brought into your life. When you’re ready, reflect on what happened to see how you grew as a person. Similarly, consider how your experience can enable you to help others.[16]
Don’t push yourself to look for the lesson or silver lining before you’re ready.

For instance, failing a class might have taught you how to be a better student, and going through a bad breakup might teach you what you want in a relationship.

Take control after a setback or hardship to boost your confidence. Facing an obstacle can shake your confidence and break your positive mindset, but regaining control give you back your power. Start by listing the actions you can take to move forward. Then, do one small thing to help you move in the right direction.[17]
For example, let’s say you lost your job. Instead of dwelling on it, update your resume and go through job listings. While you apply for new jobs, take a free online class to help boost your job skills.

The law of attraction is not the same as making wishes to the universe. You are simply focusing your attention on putting out positive energy so you’ll attract more positive energy.

Trigger good feelings by listening to your favorite song, enjoying your hobbies, or hanging out with friends. This will help you stay positive.

Start by focusing on small, easy to measure goals so you can see how the law of attraction works. For example, you might focus on earning a good grade in your class or attaining a new pet. That way, you’ll be able to measure the results.

Be patient because change takes time. If you let yourself get frustrated, you’ll being sending negative thoughts out to the universe, which will make it take even longer to get what you want.

Avoid worrying, as this sends a message to the universe that you expect bad things to happen. Instead, picture a positive future for yourself.

Don’t focus on a particular person or thing. For instance, don’t try to make someone fall in love with you. Instead, draw in a healthy, satisfying relationship with someone you’re meant to be with.

Don’t blame yourself for your hardships! You are not to blame for health issues or the actions of others.

EditQuick Summary
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How to Photograph a Painting

Capturing the beauty of a painting in a photograph is a quick and easy process. For best results, take the painting out of the frame, place it on a blank wall, and then place your camera and tripod in front of the painting. Optimise your camera for the shot and then use the timer to take the shot. These methods are appropriate for all kinds of paintings, including water-colour, oil, and acrylic. Use your beautiful photographs for websites, fliers, or for your own memories.

EditSetting up for the Shot
Remove the painting from the frame, if possible. The glass or perspex in frames causes reflections and glare in photographs. This can make it difficult to see the details and colours in your painting. Place your frame in a safe place whilst you take the shot to ensure that the photo gives the truest representation of the painting.[1]
If possible, wait until after you have photographed your painting to varnish it, as varnish also creates reflections and glare. If your painting is already varnished, simply follow the rest of the steps to optimise the quality of the photo.

If you are unable to remove the painting from the frame, follow the rest of the steps to minimise the glare.

Place your art on a blank wall to photograph it. A blank background helps to make the painting the central focus of the photograph. Place sticky-tak on the back corners of your art and stick it on the wall. Try to make it as straight as you can so that it looks even in the photographs.[2]
If you don’t have any stick-tak, place a large piece of white board or cardstock onto an easel and then lean the painting on top of it.

If you are having trouble getting your painting straight, use a bubble level to help get it even.[3]

Put your camera on a tripod. This is one of the best ways to ensure that the photographs are of high quality, as photos lose a bit of resolution when they are taken by hand due to the slight movement that occurs. Attach the camera to a tripod to ensure the camera is perfectly still when you take the picture.[4]
If you don’t have a tripod, use a stack of books or boxes instead. Ensure that they are really stable so that you don’t risk your camera falling off. This is also a great option if you are taking the photo on your smartphone.

Align the camera so that the painting fills 90% of the viewfinder. It is important that the photograph is in the middle of the viewfinder, otherwise, the photo may not show the painting proportionately or accurately to scale. Position the tripod and camera in the middle of the painting and then move them back until the painting fills about 90% of the screen.[5]
Avoid leaving too much blank space in the photograph, as this makes the painting harder to see and will reduce the resolution of the image if you have to crop it later.

If your painting has a portrait layout, you will need to rotate your camera 90 degrees in order for the painting to fill 90% of the screen.

EditUsing the Best Settings to Take the Shot
Set your camera to the f8 aperture setting. A higher aperture, such as f8, creates a smaller depth of focus which makes the image look clear and detailed. Move the wheel next to the shutter button to the f8 position. This wheel will generally have “+” and “-” buttons beside it. Look through the viewfinder or on the screen to check the aperture number. The number will change as you move the aperture wheel.[6]
If your camera won’t let you change the aperture, ensure that the camera is on the manual setting. Do this by rotating the dial on the top of your camera to the “m” position.

If you are taking the photo on a smartphone, tap the painting on the screen to auto-focus the image. This has a similar effect increasing the aperture settings.

Adjust your ISO to 100. The ISO affects how much light is in your photo. Higher ISO levels create bright photos and low ISO levels create dark photos. An ISO of 100 is generally appropriate for photographs taken inside or in studios on cloudy days. Use the ISO settings to change the ISO to 100.[7]
If you are taking the photo in a dark room, increase the ISO level. If you are in a really bright room, decrease the ISO level. Experiment with different levels until your photos reflect how the painting looks in real life.

Read your cameras instructions manual if you are having difficulty locating your ISO settings, as they vary between cameras.

If you are using a smartphone, tap on the painting on your screen. This automatically sets the camera to the correct ISO level and can help to minimise the glare in the photo.

Take the photo indoors in a room with windows on a cloudy day, if possible. Cloudy days reduce the amount of glare and gives even, natural lighting. Avoid shooting in direct sunlight as this can cause the camera to capture the colours in your painting inaccurately. If possible, shoot the photos in the middle of the day to avoid the shadows that come with the low light in the evenings and mornings.[8]
If you have to photograph a painting in a room that doesn’t have windows, leave the ceiling lights on and position extra lights under the painting at a 45-degree angle to avoid as much glare as possible.

Whilst it is preferable to photograph paintings with natural light, if you are taking a picture at a museum, simply take the photo with the existing lighting.

Adjust the white balance settings on your camera to the cloudy mode. The white balance affects the colour temperature of your image. If it is on the wrong setting, your image may look too orange or too blue. If you are shooting on a cloudy day, set the camera to the cloudy option in the camera settings.[9]
If you are shooting with artificial light, use the studio or inside option.

If you are taking the photo with your smartphone, the camera will most likely automatically adjust the white balance for you.

Turn off the flash. A flash will overexpose the colours of your painting and will make it difficult to see the details in the image. Hold down the flash mechanism to stop it from popping up or turn the flash off in the camera settings.[10]
If the camera displays any warnings about low-light, simply ignore them and leave the flash off.

If you are using a smartphone, either turn off the flash in the camera settings or hold your finger over the flash to block it from hitting the painting. This helps to minimise the glare in your smartphone image.

Set the camera to auto-focus. Auto-focus is one of the easiest and most effective ways to get a clear and glare-free image. Adjust the camera to auto-focus in the camera settings. This gives the camera permission to chose the best depth of focus for the shot, which helps to avoid fuzzy pictures.[11]
If you are using a smartphone, the auto-focus setting will already be operating.

Take the photo with a self-timer to make the shot perfectly still. The motion of pushing down the shutter button can slightly shake the camera and make the image a little fuzzy. For optimal image quality, place the camera on self-timer mode in the camera settings. This will cause it to take a photo by itself after the specified time.[12]
Set the self-timer for at least 3 seconds to give it a chance to stop wobbling after you have touched it.

Don’t take photographs in museums if there are signs warning against it. Breaking the rules can result in fines or penalties.

Check your photo once you have taken it to make sure that you are happy with it.

For professional shots, place LED lights on the ground on either side of painting and point them towards the art at a 45-degree angle. This helps to accentuate the 3D nature of the painting.[13]
Any lens can be used to take the photo; however, the lenses on DSLR cameras will tend to take higher quality photos than smartphone lenses.[14]
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Today in History for 24th April 2019

Historical Events

1867 – Black demonstrators stage ride-ins on Richmond, Virginia streetcars
1905 – First-class cricket debut of Sir Jack Hobbs, “The Master” for Surrey v the “Gentlemen of England” (18 and 88)
1965 – “Comedy in Music-Opus 2” closes at John Golden NYC after 192 performances
1968 – Leftist students take over Columbia University, NYC
1981 – Bill Shoemaker wins his 8,000th race, 2000 more than any other jockey
1982 – 150 Khomeini followers assault student dormitory in West Germany

More Historical Events »

Famous Birthdays

1791 – Nikolaj Bestuzhev, Russian Navy officer, writer and painter (Decembrist revolt), born in Saint Petersburg (d. 1855)
1951 – Andrew John Fairclough, trade union educator
1953 – Porter Carroll Jr, drummer (Atlantic Star-Touch a 4 Leaf Clover)
1958 – Valery Lantratov, Russian ballet dancer, born in Moscow
1967 – Omar Vizquel, Venezuelan shortstop (Seattle Mariners, Indians), born in Caracas
1975 – Michael Stewart, American basketball NBA center (Sacramento Kings), born in Cucq-Trepied-Stella-Plage, France

More Famous Birthdays »

Famous Deaths

1776 – Giuseppi Paolucci, composer, dies at 49
1852 – Vasily Zhukovsky, Russian poet (b. 1783)
1933 – Felix Adler, German-American educator of political and social ethics, dies at 81
1936 – Finley Peter Dunne, American journalist and humorist (Mr Dooley), dies at 68
1942 – Leonid Kulik, Russian Minerologist who led the first research expedition to study the Tunguska meteor site, the largest impact event in recorded history, dies of typhus in a Nazi prison camp at 58
1959 – Jef van Hoof, Flemish composer, dies at 72

More Famous Deaths »

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How to Overcome the Freeze Response

The freeze response is a natural reaction to extremely frightening or traumatic situations. If you have PTSD or have experienced some sort of trauma in the past, any situation that reminds you of your trauma may trigger the freeze response. If you find yourself freezing, taking some deep breaths and paying attention to your physical sensations and surroundings can help. While you can’t completely prevent the freeze response, there are steps you can take to make it a little less likely, such as practicing relaxation techniques while you are calm. Getting professional therapy can also be helpful.

EditComing Out of the Freeze Response
Take a few deep breaths. If you are frozen or feel yourself going into a freeze, taking a few deep breaths can help you interrupt the freeze response and regain control.[1] As soon as you begin to feel frightened, try to force yourself to take 3 or 4 slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
You may find it helpful to count to 5 with each breath. Inhale for 5 counts, hold the breath in your lungs for another 5 counts, then count to 5 again as you exhale.[2]

Pay attention to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Being mindful of what you’re feeling physically can help you break out of a freeze response.[3] If you find yourself frozen, try to focus on your senses. Notice the sensations that you feel both inside and outside of your body.
For example, you might notice that you feel tension in your arms and shoulders or that you are holding your breath.

Pay attention to things that you see, hear, feel, and smell in your environment, such as the sensation of the ground under your feet or the feeling of the air on your skin.

Release your fight-or-flight energy by making deliberate movements. As you begin to break out of the freeze response, your fight-or-flight response may begin to kick in. If this happens, taking action or making a movement can help you feel calmer.[4]
For example, you might calm yourself down by pacing, running in place, stomping your feet, or even punching a pillow.

EditPreventing the Freeze Response
Practice grounding techniques while you are calm. Grounding techniques help you connect with your senses so that you can stay present instead of freezing in moments of fear or stress. If you practice these techniques when you feel calm and safe, you can access those skills more easily when things get difficult.[5] Some examples of simple grounding exercise include:[6]
Mentally reminding yourself of who and where you are and what you are about to do. For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m Samantha Jones. I’m 27 years old. I’m sitting on the couch in my living room. I’m about to get up and get a glass of water.”

Taking 10 slow breaths while focusing on the sensation of each inhalation and exhalation.

Holding an object in your hands, such as a cold drink can or a set of car keys, and focusing on how it feels.

Eating or drinking something, focusing on the tastes, smells, and other sensations you experience as you eat or drink.

Try relaxation techniques to help yourself stay calm and present. Learning how to engage your mind and body’s relaxation responses can also help you prepare for frightening and stressful moments.[7] Try to spend a few minutes every day practicing relaxation techniques, such as:
Breathing exercises



Progressive muscle relaxation

Learn to recognize the signs that you are about to freeze. If you experience the freeze response frequently, learning to recognize the warning signs may help you stop a freeze before it begins. Think about the way you usually feel before and during a freeze response. Common freeze response sensations and symptoms include:[8]
Feeling numb, cold, or frozen

A sensation of physical heaviness or stiffness

A feeling of being trapped inside yourself or in some part of your body

Slow breathing or holding your breath

Changes in your heart rate (e.g., your heart may feel slow or it might pound rapidly)

Be patient with yourself. The freeze response is natural, and it’s not entirely preventable. If you freeze in a frightening or stressful situation despite all your efforts to prepare for that possibility, don’t blame yourself. Remind yourself that it is an involuntary reaction and not something that is within your control.[9]
The freeze response is not a sign of weakness or cowardice. It’s something that even highly trained emergency first responders and military personnel struggle with.[10]

EditGetting Professional Help
Find a therapist with experience treating issues related to trauma. The freeze response is often a symptom of PTSD and other trauma-related conditions.[11] If you struggle with freezing up in stressful or frightening situations, ask your doctor to recommend a therapist who has experience treating this issue. Some common therapeutic approaches include
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help you change the thought processes that may trigger a freeze response.[12]
Sensorimotor psychotherapy, which focuses on dealing with the sensory and physical elements of trauma as well as the emotional and psychological ones.[13]
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a common treatment for complex PTSD and includes coping skills training as well as some CBT techniques.

Work on dealing with any underlying past trauma. If you had a traumatic experience in the past, it may be contributing to your tendency to freeze. Work with a therapist to identify your past trauma so that you can work through it and understand how it might be contributing to the way you react to fear or stress in the present.[14]
For example, if you grew up with an abusive relative, you may find yourself freezing if another person raises their voice or gets too close to you during an argument. A therapist can help you understand how the abuse in your past contributes to this reaction and help you figure out some healthy coping strategies.

Look into support groups for people with similar experiences. If your freeze response is related to trauma that you’ve experienced, joining a support group can help you feel less alone. Other members of the group may also be able to offer advice and share strategies that have helped them deal with the freeze response. Ask your doctor or therapist to recommend a group, or do an online search for support groups in your area.
Some support groups are peer-led, while others are moderated by a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or a licensed clinical social worker.

You can also join online support groups or discussion boards, like the forums at Psych Central. Look for a group that is overseen by administrators or moderators who can monitor the group for abusive or inappropriate activity.

EditRelated wikiHows
Identify Your Anxiety Triggers

Deal With Having PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Deal With Emotional Triggers Effectively

Recognize the Signs of CPTSD

Overcome Social Anxiety

Deal with Hyperarousal Symptoms of PTSD

Know if You Have Anxiety

Control Anxiety

Stop Anxiety

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How to Forget Someone You Love

Breaking ties with someone is never easy, especially if you still love them. However, with time, patience, and a few healthy coping strategies, you can move on and find happiness again. Start by removing the person from your life, both by eliminating contact and taking down reminders. Then you can work on letting go of the hurt and moving on.

EditRemoving the Person from Your Life
Break off contact completely. It’s hard to get over someone or forget them if you’re still talking to them or even if you’re still just friends on social media. Unfriend the person on all your social media accounts. Let the person know you need a long break from them, even if you want to be friends in the future.[1]
You could say, “Even though I would like to be on friendly terms in the future, I’m having a hard time right now. I need to step away from our friendship.”

If you must see the person, try to be friendly without moving into friendship. For instance, say hello if you pass them in the hall or make polite chitchat about logistics if you’re sharing kids. However, leave it at that and don’t try to go deeper.

Give up the possibility that you could get the person back. Don’t dwell on the thought that you might get back together. That only makes you hope and fantasize about the person. Instead, focus on letting go of the relationship, reminding yourself that it’s over when you need to.[2]
Tell yourself, “We broke up for a reason, and I deserve to move on with someone new.”

Write a letter to the person that you don’t send. Get all your feelings out on paper. Tell your ex how they hurt you. Write down the good memories and the bad, and just use the time to get out some of your emotions. The letter is for you; there’s no need to send it.[3]

Delete the person’s emails, texts, and voicemails. When you have text or messages from your ex, you’re likely to go back and read them, dwelling in the past. Go through all of your accounts, and delete all messages, so you won’t be tempted.[4]
If you’re afraid you might want the memories later, try saving them on an external hard drive and give it to a friend. Then you can’t take it out at will to remember.

Take down or delete all the photos you have of the person. Remove the photos from the walls and your picture albums. Delete any photos you have on your phone or computer, as well as any on your social media accounts. You don’t need those reminders around.[5]
Once again, if you can’t quite let go, put them on an external hard drive along with any hard copies you have and ask a friend to hold them for a while.

Have a ceremonial burning of any reminders you have around. Sometimes, you just need to cleanse your mind of the other person. One way to do that is to gather up items you have around that remind you of them. Put them in a metal trash can, and set them on fire. You can do this with old letters, photos, or clothing, for instance.[6]
Just be sure to do this outside in a non-windy area. Have a bucket of water or fire extinguisher nearby just in case.

EditLetting Go of the Hurt
Remind yourself why it didn’t work out. If you’re having a hard time getting over someone, it’s likely because you’re remembering all the good times without the bad. Take time to remember why you broke up, so you can break through the fantasy.[7]
Try writing about it. Journal about the painful memories you have with the intention of letting go of that hurt, too, so you can move on.

You’re relationship ended because something happened or it wasn’t going well, and if you put that relationship on a pedestal of perfection, it’s hard to get over it.

Forgive the person to let go of your anger. One way to work on forgiving them is to remember the good parts of the person, too. Think about what made you like them in the first place, so you can think of them as a whole person who makes mistakes. It’s only when you think of them as a fallible human being with both good and bad qualities that you can forgive them their mistakes.[8]
Another way to work on forgiveness is to think about how you feel about what the person did to you. Think about how those emotions are affecting your life. For instance, if you feel angry and bitter, how is that coloring how you see the world?

Of course, some “mistakes” are bigger than others. With serious issues like emotional and physical abuse, it’s much harder to forgive the other person. Keep in mind, though, that forgiveness is mainly for your benefit; it doesn’t absolve the other person for what they’ve done.

Forgiveness is about letting go of the bitterness you have against the other person. It’s hard to let go of your negative feelings towards the person if you’re not willing to forgive them. You don’t forget your pain, just that you stop harboring anger in your heart towards the person.[9]

Reframe the breakup as “no-fault” instead of casting blame. You may blame yourself for the breakup, or you may feel the need to blame the other person. But, in the end, the fact is you just weren’t compatible with the other person, and no one deserves the blame for that.[10]
If you had a fairly amiable relationship, try to remember that you were both trying your best to make the relationship work, and work on letting go of the blaming cycle.

Work on changing your response to the past rather than wishing it away. Sometimes, you may wish you could go back in time and change how things happened. It’s a fairly natural response, but in the end, fruitless. All you can change is how you respond to the past. Accept that fact instead of constantly wishing you could take back something you said or did.[11]
Try thinking about a particular moment that bugs you. You might be thinking, “I wish I could take back what I said.” Instead, rephrase the statement: “I regret that I said that, but I’ve learned from my mistake. I’ll do better in the future.”

See a therapist if you’re struggling. You may feel like seeing a therapist carries a social stigma. However, keep in mind that millions of people just like you go to therapists, counselors, advisers, and other professionals for advice and guidance during difficult times, and you can, too. There’s no reason to be afraid to get help.[12]
Some of the people you may consider talking to are professional therapists, psychiatrists, school and occupational counselors, and, if desired, authoritative voices in your community like priests or rabbis. Just find a voice you trust who has some professional expertise.

Ask your friends or family for recommendations if you’re not sure who to talk to.

EditMoving On
Teach yourself to be independent again. During this time, remember that you are a whole person on your own. You don’t need someone else to make you complete, so take this time to discover yourself again without the other person.[13]
Make a list of all the things you can do now that you’re not in a relationship. For instance, maybe you can spend more time with your friends and family, go on solo trips, move out of town, or stay up as late as you want. This list can you remind you of how fun it can be to be independent.[14]

Remind yourself of your strength. When you break up with someone, you may be feeling vulnerable and like you don’t have the power to get over the pain. But you are strong enough, you just need to give yourself some reminders. Take time to write down a few of your strengths and past triumphs to show yourself that you can and will get through this time.[15]
For instance, you might write, “I have great tenacity. It only took me a year from when I started running to complete a marathon! And if I have tenacity, I can get through this, too.”

Make some new friends that aren’t in the same circle. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you may have a lot of mutual friends with your ex. Work on making new friends who won’t constantly bring up the person’s name or want to do things with both of you, which will make it easier to move on.[16]
You don’t need to completely give up on your old friends, but having a new circle gives you a safe space to socialize. You can also rely on friends you don’t have in common. Try rekindling an old friendship you may have let go by the wayside a bit.

To make new friends, try going to community meetups, taking fun classes at your library or with your parks and recreation department, or even striking up a conversation with someone at a local coffee shop.

Date again, when you’re ready. Give yourself some time to grieve, but when you start feeling a little better, try dating someone new. You don’t have to commit to a relationship. Just go on a few dates with a person you like, or even just a few first dates with a couple of different people.[17]
Let yourself go as slow as you need when you start dating again. There’s no rush. In fact, it might be a good idea to bring that up with anyone you’re dating. You might say, “Hey, I should let you know that I just got out of a difficult relationship, so I’m just looking for something casual right now.”

EditTaking Care of Yourself
Let your emotions out physically in laughter and tears. Sometimes, the pain is just going to hit you again, and you may feel like you need to cry. That’s fine! Take some time to cry. But, don’t forget to laugh, too. Watch some silly videos on the internet, check out some cute memes, or put in your favorite comedy. Laughter is good for the soul, and it can make you feel as good or better than a good cry.[18]
Go out with friends and have a good laugh together!

Eat healthy food every day. When you’re grieving, you may not want to eat at all, or you may want to just eat junk food. However, that can just make you feel worse, when you crash from a sugar high, for instance. Make sure you’re getting in some fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins at the very least.[19]
Of course, you can still have that piece of chocolate cake or a bag of chips, especially in the first day or so. Just try not to only eat chips and cake. Opt for some healthy foods, too.

Get some exercise, especially if it’s outside. Take a hike in the woods or go for a walk with a friend. Kayak across a nearby lake or go for a swim in your favorite pool. Play a game of tennis, run in a park, or just hit the gym. Yoga is also a great option. Whatever you do will help get you out of your head and make you feel better.[20]
Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week.

Exercise is great for the brain because it releases feel-good chemicals in your body. If you’re outside, you’ll also get the benefit of vitamin D! Plus, it’s great for your body and gets you out of the house.

Leave plenty of time for sleep. Sleep is your body’s way of healing, and that’s true for emotional pain, too. If you’re having trouble sleeping, make sure to leave extra time to get to sleep, and work on getting at least 8 hours each night.[21]
Try getting into a nighttime routine. Shut off your electronics at least an hour before you want to go to bed, so your brain starts winding down. Have some warm milk or herbal tea, or take a warm bath to soothe your mind.

You may have the opposite problem, too, where you want to sleep all the time. While getting some extra sleep isn’t a bad idea (9-10 hours a night), try not to overdo it. Force yourself to get up and get out in the world.

Fall back on your friends and family for support. The people who love you–your family members, personal mentors, and close friends–want to see you happy. Don’t be afraid to ask these people for a little extra love. Talk to an old friend, a parent, or a sibling to help you work through your stress and emotions. Your ex was not the only person that loved you; use this time to remember that and spend time with those that matter.
Even if you find that the advice you receive from your close confidants isn’t perfect, the sense of comradeship can still make you feel better.

Get back into a regular schedule. A regular schedule helps you stay in a routine, which helps you feel more normal. Try to get up and go to bed at the same time each day, eat your meals at the same time, and so on.[22]
However, it’s okay to go easy on yourself. You are going through a hard time, and it’s okay to take breaks when you need them. Just try to keep up as much as you can.

Pamper yourself a little. Take a hot bubble bath or get a massage. Now is the perfect time for a little pampering. Go to a movie you’ve wanted to see, take a little shopping spree, or even get out of town for a few days. Just do something that makes you feel good.[23]
You can even do something as simple as getting cup of coffee from your favorite coffee shop and curling up with a good book.

Try a new hobby to break out of your old habits. Work on learning a new language or take a fun cooking class. Pick up books at your library to learn a hobby you’ve always wanted to try or just watch some videos online. You could even take a class at a local community college in a subject that interests you.[24]
Striking out on your own with a new pastime gives you a sense of independence and freedom, plus it can be invigorating, sparking creativity.

If a friend asks about the person, you can politely say,”We broke up. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to talk about it.” They’ll hopefully understand and drop the subject.

Try to concentrate on other activities instead of thinking about your loved ones.

Don’t turn to negative behaviors, such as drinking, smoking, taking drugs, gambling, practicing self-harm, or even just becoming work-obsessed. Ultimately, these do more harm than good.[25]
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